Right before I matched with this particular individual, this was probably beginning of December, I had started this kick on honesty.
I knew I didn’t know what the fuck I wanted, but I wanted sex, I didn’t want to sleep over and I couldn’t have a relationship. People are generally pretty acceptive of this.
So, I matched with this guy on tinder, I cooed over his pets and he suggested I add him to Facebook. Normally this is a big no-no for me as I’m pretty big on my privacy, but I thought fuck it, he looks harmless enough. Sure enough, Sherlock here put two and two together, realized he had kids and a wife.
I asked if they were still together and then he explained they were polyamorous. I already knew what this was and I knew I wasn’t interested. I’m a selfish partner in the sense that I like the attention on me, but that being said when I’m dating a person, I devote myself to that person. I don’t have the energy to dote that much on two people. He had asked me what I was looking for, I stated sex, hang outs, nothing complicated.
He lied. They were looking for a unicorn.
I could fuck both of them, there would be two people to hang out with, always someone to cuddle, that was up late, always someone to text me back.
That sounds like a great set up, right?
Not for me.
What happened? I kicked my roommate out. I was needing some alone time and so I said I needed some space because I was depressed and exhausted all the time. I self harmed and they freaked out. Told me that they would drop me if I ever did that again. Instead of it being about my issues that I needed time to process, they made it all about them. I got snapchats of her crying, he would send me pictures of her crying, videos saying she missed me. “Why was I doing this to them? Why wouldn’t I let them be there for me?”
When we did hangout, if I checked my phone he would teasingly say, “Oh, are you texting another guy?” Or when I wanted to go home, “You’re just ditching us. Probably going on a date with someone else.”
The more I asked for space, the more they tried to smother me so eventually I pulled away entirely. I told him I was honest from the get-go about what I wanted and he promptly told me I was a little bitch and deserved the treatment I got from my ex.
So, yeah, we went on group dates, we had threesomes, they took me to sex club, but ultimately it was too much of a controlling environment. I wasn’t allowed to see other people, I couldn’t express myself, couldn’t open up. It was all about them.
Obviously that’s not the case for all poly couples, but it wasn’t for me.