You’re 31…and by 31 you mean 37

Tinder Hookup.

Let’s call him TinderBob.

He got my snapchat from Tinder and added me, sent me some snaps, we chatted off and on. He worked up in Fort Mac and always told me when he was back down in Calgary but I didn’t really have any interest until one lonely Friday night when my then roommate wasn’t home and I decided to get drunk by myself in the apartment and invite him over at 11pm.

All I really remember about the encounter is how quickly he arrived. He showed up, we started making out at the door and I appreciated that he tasted like mint and not cigarettes. He was the guy I fucked after this guy, where I cried after.

Almost immediately he tried to get me to my knees at the front door, and drunk me doesn’t think blowjobs are a good idea, they’re either really good, wet and sloppy, or I gag a lot. I didn’t care to try so I just shook my head and dragged him to the bedroom.

The sex was mediocre at best. I didn’t even get close to getting off and at one point he just ripped the condom off and came all over my chest.

To this day I still have no idea where the condom is. I went looking for it the next day, couldn’t find it.

The whole thing was wrapped up in about forty-five minutes and I promptly blocked him from snapchat the next time he messaged me.

Fun Fact: He was on a group on tinder, my former roommate met up with a friend of his. He went to her house, they made out for about ten minutes and then he said he had to go to the bathroom…and then promptly left.

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