World’s Smallest

Let’s just start by saying I have no problem with small dicks.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, as long as you know how to use it or are good at other things, we’re gonna have fun.

This just so happened to be an unfortunate one night stand where I started (or so I thought) to slowly establish my standards sex wife. At least…as well enough as one can be for being mildly intoxicated.

He was moderately decent at conversation, but one of those people who will happily answer all of your questions, but doesn’t have the decency to return the favour. I should have seen that as a sign. 

Yes, tell me where you grew up, your passions, where you’ve traveled, how much you make and what you’re studying, but if you don’t ask me then I’m just the fluffer for your ego.

I’ll blame the beer and my debilitatingly low self esteem but I went home with him…for all of eight minutes. Three of which was spent having sex.

I barely got my bra off and once I realized how bad he was, I flipped around and he kind of just rubbed on the outside and came.

I was pretty annoyed about this.

H: Are you seriously done?
WS: Yeah…
H: Can you go again?
WS: No, I don’t think so.
H: …You haven’t had sex in a while, have you? 

I know, I’m a bitch. Probably destroyed the guys self esteem, blah, blah. You know what though, fuck it. We were at that bar for three hours, did that ass even offer to buy me a drink?


Spent too much time talking about his PhD and his family owning a farm.

I tucked tail pretty quick and called my roommate immediately to bitch into the phone about what a waste of cab fare it was.

Well, the search is off ladies and gentleman, I found the world’s smallest. Like a pencil broken in half.

I guess I like a challenge. Someone who sparks my intellect and arouses me. It doesn’t happen very often, so I think when it does, I end up putting those people on a pedestal and I end up scaring them away.


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