Mickey Smalls

Irish, 6’8. He was from County Donegal which means I understood every third sentence, add an extensive amount of rye and that plummeted to maybe every third word.

The night before the movers came to pack up the bits of furniture and boxes from my old apartment, clearing away the evidence of the Dark Weeks, we decided to go out for celebratory drinks at what would be my new local.

Honestly this was probably the most enjoyable one night stand I’ve had, it was just fun.

This was not a night I was supposed to go out. Wasn’t supposed to have sex, in fact I remember intentionally not shaving my legs so I didn’t take anyone home…


My soon-to-be roommate and I went out and decided to show these two guys our very new, very empty apartment. I got lost on the way out going down the stairs, made out with said Irish, blood red lipstick all over his face and then promptly took him home.

Dick Size: 3/5
Stamina: 8/10
Orgasm: 0/7-9(Lost count. It was a long night.)
Fun Factor: 10/10 Hi-fucking-larious

He kept teasingly booting me in the ass and I don’t know if it’s because I was being witty or a smart ass…I couldn’t say because I hardly understood him either way.

Little did I know I had lost my phone *and* my wallet. We’d stayed up til about 6am and I barely heard the movers knocking at quarter to eight.

I threw clothes on, showed them what needed to go and of course they wanted to see the heaviest item…My mattress.

This idiot, sprawled naked on top of the sheets, didn’t flinch when they came into the bedroom.

His closing remarks as he left to catch a cab, “Thanks for the blowjob!”

Well, I always like being appreciated for my hard work.



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